all glory be to me

Ok, so what if I haven't written in here for 2 months. Fuck you too. But seriously...I'm crazy busy applying for jobs! I can't believe how ridiculous this whole process is: I basically spend all my time trying to figure out clever ways to convince people how awesome I am without directly saying so. A literal translation of a job application in this field is:

"I am so awesome. Way better than these other fools. One of the many reasons I'm so awesome is..."

"In light of my awesomeness, you should pay me a big lump of cash each year to basically do the same thing I do every day (i.e., increase the level of my awesomeness)."

"Seriously, this research plan is kick-ass, even though the results will be impossible to interpret, the data will be extremely difficult to obtain and calibrate, and I just might get so sick of working on this stuff that I'll quit and make twice as much in some bank."

Ok, that last one wasn't immodest enough. But anyway, I hate doing this. Its such a bizarre experiment into the neurotic paranoia that is academia...am I good at this?...will people know that this is all bullshit?...does anyone care? (NO!). Its hard to not take this process seriously, mostly because I've already put so much effort into getting to this point. But the prospect of doing this repeatedly in the near-term and being subject to the cruel job market makes me want to buy a ranch in Montana and start a farm that sells cheeses or puppies (possibly after beating the shit out of several people just for fun).