Wednesday, November 16, 2005

i hate tom cruise

and its not because he's a terrible actor, or because of his insane katie holmes obsession (seriously...can she really be that great?). its because he's a scientologist...and anyone who's a scientologist is a complete assclown. now, i might not seem like the most religiously tolerant person, but anyone who really knows me would understand that i'm actually in favor of religion: it just pisses me off when people (e.g., evangelical christians, islamic terrorists...yes, they should be lumped in the same category) pervert their chosen truth. but scientology is not a religion. it is a cult, and tonight's episode of "South Park" prompted me to investigate just how frightening it really is.

when you've been a paying scientologist for many years, and are sufficiently brainwashed, the "secrets" of the religion are revealed to you. here's a rough outline: long ago, there was an evil alien warlord in another galaxy. this alien overlord thought that his galaxy was overpopulated, so he rounded up aliens of different kinds, froze them (huh!?), and then shipped them off to earth. there, the frozen aliens were dumped into a hawaiian volcano (that's right) and they died. but...their souls began to escape (into the sky...), so that alien overlord had spaceships capture the souls and brainwash them. the poor formerly frozen, brainwashed alien souls ended their exodus by residing in the bodies of cavemen. that's fucking right...the cavemen. [hey, at least this "religion" incorporates evolution properly ;)] nowadays, all of our fears, anxieties, and general "issues" are due to the way those alien souls inside us were brainwashed by the evil alien overlord.

that's it. it almost makes you want to drink some cyanide the next time a comet appears. i had thought about a detailed analysis of why the scientology cult is ridiculous, but if you don't get it by reading the above, i hate you and insist that you stop reading my blog and go fuck yourself.

5 Comments:

At 10:00 PM, Blogger oraquick said...

me too

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger Liz said...

wow. you got spam even WITH the word verification..

I agree about the scientology. that's some silly shit. They deserve to believe that crap.

 
At 9:17 PM, Blogger geekedout said...

Holy crap.... The mormons seem almost sane next to this. Golden tablets and an extinct race of north american white people from israel are one thing but damn. Although, maybe that's just my extra-galactic brain-washing kicking in. I haven't paid my dues in a while.....

 
At 5:49 AM, Blogger Claire said...

A commercial for Mormanism came on the WB. Missions are getting a bit lazy if you ask me. While that commercial frightened me, I can only image a Sciecntology commerical tickeling me with laughter - and fear that people actually believe in it.

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger Sean said...

actually, i think that 'oraquick' comment may be genuine...even spammers hate tom cruise. anyway, i forgot to mention that the frozen aliens were shipped to Earth in DC-8s with rocket engines. Mormonism is not quite as ridiculous, but they have much more potential for damage to the average person...then again, there's a lot of Mormons who are pretty normal. i doubt the same could be said for scientologists. if you haven't seen the new South Park, watch it. there's also hilarious running themes about tom cruise locking himself in the closet ("tom, please come out of the closet") and r. kelly.

 

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